google.co.ukYou know those times you're taking a wicked dump and you get the urge to play some mini-golf? Well, this is the product for you. Not only does it come with a half-moon putting green, but you also get a 'do not disturb' sign explaining to any would-be knockers that you're engaged in a serious round of putting while emptying your bowels.
google.co.ukFor the shoe enthusiast or obsessee. It'll keep 50% of your shoes perfectly dry if you're wearing a specific type of shoe with an opening at the top. Although there's a huge chance of water running down your leg and into the shoe - but at least the tips of your toes won't get too damp. That is providing you can tolerate every man and his monkey laughing in your face.
google.co.ukThis one works just fine and it sounds exactly like its concept. You will of course feel like you're at primary school as you butter your toast - but at least you don't have to clean your knife because that's hard work, and spreading butter over bread requires muscle action.
google.co.ukThis thing attaches to your wheel so you can not only sit in your car to do work, but you can also keep a drink nearby because electricity and water is the new black and white. Oh, but wait! Not only do you get the steering wheel laptop desk, but you can spend a little extra and get the fold-away car slot specifically designed for storing wheel desks just in case you have no room to put a tray in your gigantic car.
google.co.ukThis one is pretty miraculous. After you boot up your computer or laptop, you can plug this rock into your USB slot and watch with awe as absolutely nothing happens. That's right - electricity will fail to surge through the rock and it will actually transform into an inanimate, geological formation right there and then. Naturally, this is the start of a wild revolution in technology.
google.co.ukThese finger condoms help protect your phone screen against smudges, micro-bacteria and other stupid crap. While your fingers require a flat slidey surface to operate a smartphone, these phone fingers tend to bunch up and tear your screen quite badly from overuse - but it's a small price to pay compared to how safe you will feel at night.
You thought mittens for cats were ridiculously amazing? Cat wigs are the new thing in feline fashion - all you need to do is either chain down or sedate your cat, then glue the wig on and watch as your groggy pet stumbles around like a tiny furry person. You'll love how the cat stares at you with warmth, acceptance and a touch of unrelenting hostility.
google.co.ukYou know those times you're so lazy you can't even pick up a damn broom? Or wipe away mountains of dust? Well, this is the invention for you. Clothes specifically designed so your new born baby cleans the house for you. Watch as he tumbles around cleaning up floorboards, polishing boots and fixing broken bikes. It's also available for cats and dogs, with a bundle discount if you buy one with a cat wig. It'd be like you have a little anthrotropic maid cleaning your house.
This is like a VR headset but ten times bigger and ten times more useless. This bulky monster promises to tune out background noise to let you enjoy the movie-going experience on the go. Perfect if you're a homeless person who can't afford a house, food, medical supplies and you want to escape into a world that doesn't suck.
google.co.ukYou know those times when you really want to look like a complete fool? Well, this is the product for you. A dad-friendly invention that hurls you back in time to a point where you do not suffer from male pattern baldness. This is perfect for tennis, indoors, out of sight or otherwise AWOL from areas with people - preferably a crater on the moon.
This is for the wealthy businessman who hates sweaty feet. It's a Japanese invention that promotes healthy air flow through the soles of your shoes - allegedly reducing foot odour to keep your feet nice and fresh. The only downside is you can't wear it during rainy seasons - or in the rain, or anywhere near water. Yeah.
google.co.ukThis is one of those inventions that sounded good on paper, looked good on paper, and then you go ahead and create one and it makes the person wearing it feel like a hideous swamp monster - but a bit of a comfy one. The cool thing is, like a turtle, you can take your whole bedroom wherever you go - be it a crowded street, at a funeral or at a walking sleeping bag party indoors, so that when you pass out you'll be safe and cosy collapsed on some stairs.
google.co.ukYou know those times you're so lazy you can't even exhale a goddamn breath of air? Well, this is the product for you. Chopsticks with motors and a fan installed so that as you pick up food it will blow on it. This is a particularly useful invention for amoeba that don't have lungs and thus need tools to eat hot food.
google.co.ukIn a world of Wii remotes, television, PlayStation, set-top box and amplifier remotes, what's the only possible solution you can think of? Headbands aren't enough - what about head straps? All it takes is a stick of painfully sharp Velcro on each remote, and soon you too will be walking around like a human idiot.
google.co.ukIt's happened to us all - you're browsing the Internet innocently, a pop-up window comes out of nowhere - BIG TITTIES - you hear the door creak open behind you, oh no! It's your dog, quick hide everything! But it's too late... the dog knows what you've been up to. But now with the screen privacy hood you will never have that problem again. The only person able to view your screen with a very narrow, woolly and uncomfortable field of view will be yourself. Good work, now nobody will be able to find out what you're doing - not even the NSA.
google.co.ukThis one actually exists - like, it's a thing a company actively marketed thinking it would take off. That actually happened. This chinrest appeared in Japan for people unlucky enough not to snag a seat, and though most people would complain that their feet or back would start to hurt after a while, apparently for a very small minority, they don't have the muscle capacity to hold their skulls atop their neck. How these people made it out of the womb, I'm not entirely sure.
google.co.ukYes, this is a legitimate invention, but purely because someone added a tube to the base of the umbrella that hooks all the way to a water storage side bag. This means a person can actually collect their day's supply of water just by waiting for a rainy day... and walking around for a while. It doesn't stop insects from flying down your tube, and it would be useful for the dry parts of the world but, oh wait! It doesn't rain in dry places, and water runs actively from the tap. So this might be useful if you are a human fish.
This is perfect for the kitchen enthusiast who misplaced every single knife they own, and need a banana cut into perfect strips immediately or something terrible will happen. Unfortunately, this slicer can't change shape to match a banana of varying length and size, whatsoever. Although perhaps you could convince your young infant it's a fun toy and not a completely useless kitchen utensil.
google.co.ukYou know those times when you are suffering from Alzheimer's and you have completely lost control of your ability to make logical decisions. Well, maybe you should think about covering your hands with some underwear, because it's rude to walk around with your palms all out and waving everywhere.
google.co.ukAnd here we have the best item on the list - a hat for everyone, a convenience that goes without saying. It's always frustrating when you're at an important job interview and you sneeze in your employer's face - and it's even worse when you have an uncontrollable diarrhoea stream and you spray liquid chocolate all over their desk and your resume papers. But so long as you're wearing this hat - toilet paper ready to be used 24/7 - you will get that job for sure.
Original article and pictures take www.buzzfeed.com site
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